Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
James 1:22-25 New International Version (NIV)
I have been a Christian for almost 30 years of my life. During that time, I’ve done a lot of things right and a lot of things wrong. When I missed the mark, I’ve repented and moved forward. When I did the right thing, I allowed myself to become foolishly puffed up with pride.
Thinking in some way that my good deeds were going to secure me a better place in heaven because God was so pleased with me. When in reality remaining numb to the fact that self-effort (righteousness) is inconsistent with God’s grace.
For so long I thought my efforts secured my salvation. Thus, thrusting me into performance mode my entire life. However, I have recently come to the harsh ugly truth that I’ve been balking at God’s grace.
I’ve heard and read time and time again that it’s a gift freely given, but deep in my heart I felt like I had to do something to be deserving of such a treasure. Again, not understanding that in its simplest definition grace can be described as getting what you don’t deserve.
It has taken some time, but now I truly understand that I am saved by grace, and grace alone. God is not a slot machine that I can force to payout with my religious efforts. He is a loving Creator that created me in His own image and he desires for me to freely abide with Him in loving relationship.
Not only do I now, fully understand that there’s nothing that I could do to make Him love me more, nor any less, I’ve openly received the gift He has so graciously given me. I have finally humbled myself and chosen to chase after God’s love knowing that then His grace will abound.
All my life I’ve been trying to give to others something I’d never received for myself. My reservoir of grace has been empty and as much as I desired to pour into others it was impossible. Again, the Word says that we should not only be hearers, but doers also.
Although, I had heard the Word as it pertains to God’s grace my actions weren’t lining up with my confession. In the words of Dr. Caroline Leaf, “I was speaking Christianese” (confessing something that I didn’t truly understand or believe). In essence, “Not Knowing”.
It wasn’t until I became honest with myself and transparent with those close to me that I was able to break out of the performance mode that I had allowed culture to pigeon-hole me into and find true rest in God’s grace.
“………., To know and not to do is really not to know.”
– Stephen R. Covey–